A New Start on an Old Problem

So, here we ere again.  I’m not going to post some simple update full of hope and false promises.  I really did believe that I was going to start writing more and more when I posted the last few times.  I thought that I was finally over the hump of being busy and distracted and pulled in a million directions.  I finished my master’s degree.  I left a job that didn’t fit to return to a much better role for me.  I had time and, I thought at the time, motivation.  I was ready to go back to writing about cycling, life, weight management, and what was happening in the world.  I thought I was ready to get back to writing the blog.  Maybe not.

All of these distractions masked the real problem.  Or problems.  I had fallen off the weight management wagon.  Fallen off the wagon is not the way to explain what had happened.  I lied to myself about why I wasn’t exercising.  I had told myself that I was too busy with school.  I had blamed it on not being able to run due to a foot injury.  I told myself that I wasn’t riding because there just wasn’t enough time in the day to get a good ride in.  A lot of this was true.  A lot of it stopped being true but I didn’t get back to work.  I didn’t just fall off the wagon.  I took the wagon apart and built a house to live in like an old settler traveling to the western frontier.  Not only had I stopped moving forward, I seemed to take away any chance of resuming.  I have gained forty pounds since I stopped working on weight management.

I stopped running.  Sure, I had a foot injury that put a stop to the running for a little while, but that eventually healed.  I still didn’t run.  The more weight I gained, the more I didn’t run.  I would love to say that I had a reason, but I didn’t.  I traveled this summer but managed to not exercise despite having great trails to explore.  I had plenty of down time, and plenty of help around the house but still couldn’t force myself to run.

I didn’t do much better on the bike.  A new multi surface bike didn’t motivate me to get out there.  I did manage to do a few big rides.  Katie, Ed, and I returned to the 5 Boro Tour in New York City.  It was a great ride, made even more fun by some of our Brake the Cycle teammate joining us for the ride.  We had a great time representing the organization and answering questions about our group.  I managed to ride for a day on the Brake the Cycle ride as well.  I switched to support when the first 45-mile day wore me out.  I used the excuse that the group needed support more than another rider.  I guess lying to myself was a skill that I was developing along the whole summer, all the better to stay off the wagon.

So, things weren’t going well.  I also didn’t write because I didn’t know what to say.  How do you talk to people about staying positive and working toward a goal when you are running away from that message every day?  I was struggling with a few other issues as well.  Like most people, I was wrapped up with what was happening in the news.  How do you talk about cycling and personal motivation with everything that is happening in the world?

So, what changed?  Why am I writing now?  What answers do I have to any of these questions?  First, the last question.  There is nothing I need to say here about any of that.  Why?  Because cycling.  The best part of cycling is that we are all in this together.  We don’t need politics.  We have the bike to talk about.  We have the hills to fight, not each other.  So, no politics here, unless we are talking about bike lanes.

So, what about the rest of it?  I try again.  Katie and I joined the YMCA today.  We start running again tomorrow.  Small steps, but it is time.  I have been riding again, little by little, on a trainer.  I have set up my trainer and started using Rouvy, the training program for Cycle Ops.  I am going to detail my trainer set up and Rouvy in next week’s blog.  See you then.

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One Response to A New Start on an Old Problem

  1. yceblu says:

    So good to see you back to writing the blog. Always enjoy reading your blog.

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